(Actually it was about 52 degrees with a 70% chance of precipitation.)
Huddled in the dank cave the ghoul worked feverishly. Bent over its gruesome task, a vacant look played over its cadaverous features.
(Really, it’s more of a basement apartment, and I happen to take offense to the use of "ghoul." I may be pale, but that’s no reason to send a militant peasant mob my way.)
The tortuous implement clutched in its gnarled fist flashed back and forth in a hypnotic pattern weaving the alien fiber into gorgon knots of unspeakable complexity, for a purpose wholly unknown.
(In reality, the tortuous implement is really a size J crochet hook, the alien fiber is a dark green, baby alpaca yarn, the stitches aren’t all that complex, and if the purpose of this venture was wholly unknown then the sweater I’m making would be an exercise in futility!)
Stitch & Bitch: The Happy Hooker, Unseemly sweater. Not too shabby for a weekend’s work. Working up from the bottom edge in the round I’ve made it as far as the lowest point of the neck-line. Notice the brilliant waist-shaping technique? Just a change in the type of stitch is all it takes to pull the waistline in to create a more flattering silhouette. Those Happy Hookers certainly know a thing or two about the nature of the craft!
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While I wait for the next crochet rampage to strike I’d like to start a segment that I will most likely continue sporadically throughout this blog. I’d like to discuss my current RANTS and RAVES about CROCHET.
One of by biggest RANTS is GRANNY SQUARES. You know them, you detest them (at least I do) and you’ve probably seen them hanging off your grandmother’s couch. (They do call them granny squares for a reason, you know!) These multi-colored squares seem to be synonymous with crochet and I personally feel they are besmirching the good name of this art-form. Now, before I get a ton of hateful comments (which I will garner my fair share, I’m sure) I want to specify that I’m not grouping motifs into this category. I’ve seen some really bitchin’ patterns with flower and star shaped motifs joined to create a wonderfully lacy fabric in flattering and amazing shapes, so stop freaking out, willya?
I think my biggest beef is the fact that granny squares are, well, square. They might be fine to make blankets and totes (which I still despise, although less so,) but try to make a garment out of them and you’ll find you’re wearing a shapeless, albeit colorful, sack. This may work if you look like my friend Slim (the blanket model for my last post), but for us normal people we suddenly look like we’ve all gone on the deep-fried-lard-diet.
I know, I know, granny squares are kitsch and totally retro, which I do enjoy from time to time, but can’t we practice our kitschy-retro-style with a little more fashionable restraint? Some ideas were just bad to begin with….
Now that I’ve totally alienated all my fellow crocheters out there I can disgust myself by going all Pollyanna with a little sugar-coated rave-session.
I don’t think I have a choice… I have to RAVE about the new crop of CROCHET DESIGNERS popping up everywhere recently. Not too long ago most of the crochet patterns were either stiff, garish sweaters from the 1970’s or painfully tedious doilies and table-linens from the Victorian era. Neither appeals to my sense of fashion. Luckily for me I began to learn crochet right as there was an explosion of modern and creative crochet designs flooding the market. Now, you can find hip, flattering, and totally unexpected patterns all over the place if you just know where to look. I can’t mention all the wonderful places I’ve purchased patterns from, but there are a few outstanding places to highlight:
Book: Stitch and Bitch: The Happy Hooker
Fun designs and a great way to learn the art of crochet.
Website: Stitch Diva
Beautifully feminine and downright sexy patterns in crochet (and knit.)
Website: Crochet Me
Patterns, tips, techniques and links. So many goodies I can’t begin to touch on
them all, plus it’s FREE!
Also if you check out Amazon (or your favorite local book store) you will notice there are even more crochet books scheduled to come out just in time for the holidays. I see a lot of hooking in my future!
Lyzard
